When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
