Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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