im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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