i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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