I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
No subtext here. People are naked.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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