Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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