You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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