I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
