No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
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