You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
