Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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