I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Success! We fucked roommates!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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