somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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