I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
