hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
