First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
