I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
