I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I want to stick my p in your. b.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
