just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
