You work out of a Hotel?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
