my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
