is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
