I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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