went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
