I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
