my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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