I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
