Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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