Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
