I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
