guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
