Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
