thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
