Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
