Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
