How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
