He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
