like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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