..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
