I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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