just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
