It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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