So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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