so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
