And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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