dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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