Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
