She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
