no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
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I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
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Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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