remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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