Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
