I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
