I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
