he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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