At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
