You work out of a Hotel?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Randomize
