Non-Jews are for practice
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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