I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
