I can feel you judging me through the phone.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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