I just cut my nipple shaving
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
