Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
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He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
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it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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