I'm going to jail i love you
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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