You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
