i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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