It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
