Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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