my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
