She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
