Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
