bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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