why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize